Feedback vs viewpoints: Is it better to ask for feedback or gather viewpoints?
Feedback vs viewpoints: Let’s explore whether gathering perspectives (or viewpoints) – is better than asking for feedback.
In my last post I invited you to question who feedback was for: the person seeking it, or the one on the receiving end.
We may be playing with words here. But come with me as we explore the subtleties of this and maybe some light will be shed on this for your own situation…
What comes to mind when you think about asking for feedback?
For me, my primal response to this question centers around the thought of having others “judge” me. It feels a little threatening, and it doesn’t warm my heart. Many may have differing responses, this is just mine.
However, I do care about improving myself in a way that helps those around me to do well so that they can be successful and enabled around their work. So, by definition, there is a conversation to be had with the people around me; if I have no data upon which to act, I’m in guessing-land, a land where assumptions abound. These assumptions may include:
- My assessment around how well I’m doing, or not,
- My reading about how I may be impacting other people,
- What I believe the other person is needing from me,
- My sense of what’s right, which will include what I believe that other person needs, or what is the “right” way to do something,
- My sense of how open I am and how prepared the other person is to share around “feedback” given my take on the quality of our connection.
So, in addition to my own story about being “judged” (my risk), we often totally underestimate what it takes from the other person to be open and to share freely. It’s a risk to them as well. The “my door is open” syndrome goes unacknowledged. I don’t know how many leaders I have coached who all tell me that they are great bosses because they have an open door policy – indicating they are approachable and ‘there’ for their staff. This may very well be their intention (which I don’t question), however, what is totally underestimated is the courage needed for a staff member to actually approach that leader with certain views or comments. Risk abounds on both sides – and yet, we need to have the conversation so everyone can grow and work better together.
Feedback vs viewpoints
All this got me thinking about a better way to deal with getting “feedback”, the common word we use and one I’m using here because we have a shared general understanding about this. My thinking has also extended to providing a simple to use tool to help with this, but more about that later.
So here are some simple ways to get that critical “feedback” or data to help kickstart the conversations that help one grow and work better with the people around them:
1.Change the focus. Asking for feedback around how you are performing invites judgement and critique. The focus is you – alone. But by changing the focus to “us” achieved by inviting information about what’s happening with them around what you are doing, helps create more focus on them as well as what is happening between you. The other benefit with this approach is that the other person can more reliably speak to their own experience rather than judge you (which is something we all think we are good at, but really we are not as our biases abound). It takes two to tango.
2. Change the questions asked. The language and tone of questions can make a huge difference. Open questions are preferable. Simple questions are best. Questions starting with “what …” are good.
“What insights do you have about…”
“Tell me about a time when…”.
3. Improve your questions with experience. If you are not getting textural and useful comments from others, try and ask your questions differently. If you are getting yes or no answers, mono-syllables or brief phrases, your questions may need adjusting. We are often so conditioned to ask diagnostic questions, but in this case, we want to ask questions that solicit the other person’s story. Get them talking! It’s through these exchanges where the real nuggets of information will come to light.
4. Start with “loving critics”, if necessary. This is the advice of Tasha Eurich (in her book, “Insight”). These folk are more likely to be willingly honest about how things are with them when they interact with you. The quality of your relationship with them reduces the risk on both sides, and this helps you find a place of curiosity rather than defense. Then, with time, you can extend this to others, particularly after you have found the right questions to ask.
5. Provide the context or focus along with the questions asked. This context helps enable others to be more specific around answering your questions rather than second guessing. For example, when asking someone about what you could continue to do that might be helpful to them, this leaves things very open. They may answer something like “I like how you make my coffee”. But if you indicate the context as “project team lead” or “running meetings”, this helps the person significantly when providing their perspective.
6. Think about collecting perspectives. We need to be careful if we listen to one story or listen for a narrow response. Collecting the perspectives from many will help you find a richer story around what is happening between you and them. Everyone is different, and may need different things from you. Seeing these differences is important as everyone moves forward together, as well as your own growth.
7. Think about collecting perspectives or viewpoints from people with different types of relationship with you. In 360-speak, we call these rater groups like boss, direct reports, and peers. These different groups have different needs and expectations. But perhaps it is time to think of these groups differently. Try moving away from these normative labels.
8. Verbatims are more useful than numbers. We are so tempted to ask for numbers. We are seduced into thinking that if we get numerical scores, we can monitor our progress. What we forget is that with time, the expectation of others changes and hence our relative position on a scale changes. Verbatims give us the real information needed to both reflect upon as well as take the conversations needed to the next level. This is progress.
“Feedback” or gathering perspectives is an important conversation starter. It is important also as we as leaders reflect on our leader practice, as well as helping us think about our own development.
While we have written here more about individuals seeking input from others, this same principle and practice is good when seeking to help our teams work better together, as we collectively address challenges or explore new ideas or initiatives, or even test the viability of our startups or new business ventures. Collecting perspectives is a great way to kick start important conversations as we all seek to do good work with good people while achieving good results.
Remember, collecting perspectives/viewpoints or asking for feedback is not only about you, but it is also about the other people and what is happening between you.
In an upcoming post I will share more specific information about a piece of the leadership toolkit I have been working on around 360 feedback and how it can help leaders have the right conversations, with the right people, for the right reasons.
Dr Robyn Wilson focuses on helping leaders tackle the change and challenges they face and journeys with them as they, their teams and organizations navigate these with the aim of becoming stronger, gaining more clarity and with strengthened relationships and personal capability. She is the founder of Praxis Management Consulting.
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