7 things to do instead of making New Year’s resolutions

This is NOT a “Let’s Make Our New Year’s Resolution” Blog

“Depending on where you get your numbers, somewhere between 81 percent and 92 percent of New Year’s Resolutions fail.” ¹. (Clear, James) 

They don’t work.  We stay with them for a few days … or a few weeks if we are lucky.  They are usually ill conceptualised, and vague at best.  And everyone writes about how best to set them, give you their best 10 tips or use this time of year to sell their goods and services while managing – somehow – to weave them into their advice about New Year resolutions.  

Well, isn’t that what I’m about to do? You might ask.  Yes and no.   

Yes, it’s about being intentional if seeking to make some change in your life/career.

No, it’s not specifically about New Year resolutions.

And no, I’m not selling my wares but giving a shout out to others who have my respect.

Chasing aspirations

I’ve collected some wisdom from last year, insights that have helped nudge me as I’ve sought to make some changes in my life/career.  So, this blog is not about New Year resolutions per se, it’s about the change in the life you seek.  You can do any of these things at any time during the year.  

In essence, setting resolutions is not about setting tasks to be completed, but it is about becoming who you wish to be, and this includes understanding and being led by your values, having the right mindset, finding guiding principles and understanding your own aspirations (and not those suggested by others or society).

Here is my list of wisdom.

7 things to do instead of making New Year’s resolutions

1. James Clear: Habit Changing

James Clear is the author of “Atomic Habits” and the popular 3-2-1 newsletter (with over 1 million readers).  In his 1st January 2021 3-2-1 newsletter, he shared some thoughts from his book:

“Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are.The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader.

The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner.

The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician. 

This year, focus on the identity you want to build.”

He also has written a fabulous blog “5 Common Mistakes That Cause New Habits to Fail” with practical insights he has gained from two years worth of researching and writing about the science of behaviour change.  It is worth a read.

2. Liz and Mollie; Drop the “Should”

“Liz and Mollie” aka Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy are the authors of “No Hard Feelings: The secret Power of Embracing emotions at Work”, a wonderful book that explores how we best embrace our emotions in the workplace and as we seek to become more authentic as leaders and professionals. 

They have a great Instagram account that is worth following, and posted the following on 8th December 2020:

“Do you ever feel like your “shoulds” control you?  “I should start meditating” or “I should have a cleaner apartment.”  These types of statements are unhealthy: you’re putting yourself down, and not giving yourself any opportunity to improve.  

The next time you catch yourself saying “should,” stop and try: “I want to start meditating.” “I want to have a cleaner apartment.”  If the statement still feels true, try to figure out the first smallest step you can take.  And if it doesn’t, drop it, and move on with things you actually want to invest in instead.”  

Ref: Instagram: @lizandmollie (8th Dec 2020)

3. Dr. Tasha Eurich: Guiding Values

Tasha Eurich is an organisational psychologist and the author of “Insight: The Power of Self-Awareness in a Self-Deluded World”. She believes that self awareness is the superpower for the 21st Century.  

Self-awareness seems to have become the latest management buzzword — and for good reason. Research suggests that when we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident and more creative. We make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively. We’re less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. We are better workers who get more promotions. And we’re more-effective leaders with more-satisfied employees and more-profitable companies.  (Eurich, Tasha (2018))

In a recent Instagram post, Tasha Eurich wrote the following:

“Values define the kind of person we want to be and how we want to be remembered. For that reason, they are the cornerstone of self-awareness.

As we enter 2021 (WE MADE IT YOU GUYS 🥳🍾🎉), we have an excellent opportunity to think about how our values will shape the year ahead.”

She shared her top two values, and then asks the following:

“What are your key values and how are they shaping your plans for 2021?”

Tasha Eurich has an online course called “The Future Ready Leader” which takes you through many lessons to help you build your self awareness – based on her research.  This is a course I’ve subscribed to and it is proving valuable.  

4. Dr. Jason Fox: One Word- a Contextual Beacon

Dr Jason Fox is “a wizard-philosopher masquerading as a leadership advisor”.  He is a much sought-after speaker (regularly winning awards) and thought leader.  With a research background in motivational design, he brings fresh thinking to the domain of leadership.

“Why do you need a Word?

You don’t, hoho. But if you seek new motivation, meaning and enchantment in your life—if you seek meaningful progress and the realisation of relevance—you may want to find one. Even if you are the super sceptical sort too clever for conventional self development. Perhaps, especially so.”  (Fox, Jason (2019))

As written up by Nickey Champ (2018), Dr Fox suggested the following to the business meeting he was addressing:

““[C]hoose one word to serve as a fuzzy contextual beacon for that if should you wander off track – and you will wander off track – that it will pull you back in line with your intention,” Fox said.

“If I asked you what might your word be for the year ahead, you’ll have a functional word that won’t quite have the sharpness and stickiness yet, but it’s a good starting point.”

….

“I had one person come up to me and say, ‘I think my word is ‘focus’ but I’m not sure’ – and I said, ‘Hmm have a think about that.’ They later came back to me and said, ‘My word is ‘Hunter.’ Hunters need to be able to focus when hunting prey, but they also need to rely on their wit and be aware of their surroundings to be able to survive and adapt.”‘

“So I wonder what your word might be? Think of a ritual that you might want to rekindle or create. Think about some of your self-sabotaging behaviours that you might want to change.””

While, in the above context, it was a meeting at the end of a year, choosing one word is not limited to a ritual conducted at the beginning of year.  You are free to do this at any time – particularly if it’s useful to you and your aspirations.  

Dr. Jason Fox has an online course called “The ‘Choose One Word’ Ritual of Becoming.” I’m very enticed by this and it’s high on my list!

5. Dr. Brené Brown: Fun; Side Benefits Abound – though it’s not the point

Brené Brown is a well known professor, researcher, author, speaker and podcaster.  She shared in one of her recent podcasts (Brown, B (2020)) about rediscovering the concept of fun.  She had written about it in one of her early books, “The Gifts of Imperfection”  

I came across this quote by Stuart Brown. “The opposite of play is not work. The opposite of play is depression.” 

Stuart Brown, MD, is a play researcher.

[Stuart] Brown explains how respecting our biologically programmed need for play can transform us and renew our sense of excitement in life. 

She explains that she totally understands how this concept could be the basis for an anxiety attack for many go-getters and high achievers but as she says, you can’t ignore the research.  It tells us:

“Play – doing things just because they’re fun and not because they’ll help achieve a goal—is vital to human development.” (Brown, B (2014))

Brown believes that play is at the core of creativity and innovation.  And wholehearted adults play!  It can mean “anything that makes us lose track of time and self-consciousness, creating the clearing where ideas are born”.

So, here is Brené Brown’s dare- something that you can respond to at any point in time.  

THE DARE

Create a play list. Write down three activities you could do for hours on end. Mine are reading, editing photos on my computer and playing Ping-Pong with my family.

Now carve out time on your calendar. Even when I’m busiest, I schedule unstructured time. It’s important to protect playtime the way you protect work, church or PTA meetings.

Play well with others. When my husband and kids made their own play lists, we realized that our usual vacations, which involved sightseeing, weren’t really anyone’s idea of play. So now we go places where we can hike, swim and play cards – things that make us all our most silly, creative and free-spirited selves.

(Brown, B (2014))

6. Calvin & Hobbes:  “Let’s Go Exploring!”

I’ll let this wisdom from Calvin & Hobbes speak for itself 🙂

Let’s Explore!  This is a great mindset to have as you never know what you will find.  

Note: check out the backstory.

7. Michael Bungay Stanier: Live brilliantly

And lastly something I am doing… and loving!

Back at the end of July 2020, I discovered this gem.  It’s a free online course designed and curated by Michael Bungay Stanier (aka MBS), author of the “The Coaching Habit” and “The Advice Monster”.  

I embarked on this course, keen to find new thinkers and perspectives, and discovered that it has provided the subtle nudges I’ve needed as I start to pivot and venture into new domains of activity.  And I’m loving it.  The extra surprise that has come with this course is the community and the interaction that happens.  MBS doesn’t ask much of us except to really reflect on the weekly content gems, integrate and reflect every six weeks, write a reflection in the comments and comment on someone’s post.  It’s all very doable – even within a busy life.  The cadence of one a week works like a charm.  

So, the following is from his “The Year of Living Brilliantly”:

He has lined up amazing teachers and it’s beautifully curated.  And did I mention it?  It’s free!

In Summary

While I write this blog in January at the beginning of a new year, we can choose to initiate change in our lives at any point in time.  It is for us to listen for these times, the right time within the seasons of our lives.  

What I have hoped to share with you is some wisdom from leading thinkers about what can guide you when this time for change is with you.  Some of this wisdom includes ways to approach thinking about how to frame your direction setting and accountability nudges (Clear, Eurich, Fox and MBS), adopting the right mindset (Calvin & Hobbes), while also offering some “do not forgets” (lizandmollie, Brown).  

Pick what is right for you.  Explore what is not immediately natural for you.  And lastly, I invite you to share what works, including wisdom from others.   

All the best!

Footnotes

1. There are several studies and articles quoting either a 90 percent or 92 percent failure rate. I’ll go with the 81 percent failure rate, which comes from a research study by psychology professor John Norcross. He tracked the success rate of New Year’s resolutions over a two-year span.

References

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2019), “The Year of Living Brilliantly”, online course (free).

Brown, Brené (2010), “The Gifts of Imperfection : Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are”, Hazelden, Center City, Minnesota

Brown, Brené (2014), “Brené Brown: The Very Best Resolution You Can Make This Year”, O, The Oprah Magazine, January 2014

Brown, Brene (2020), “On My Mind: RBG, Surge Capacity, and Play as an Energy Source”, Unlocking Us Podcast, September 23, 2020.

Canva, Michael (2020). “‘Calvin and Hobbes’ said goodbye 25 years ago. Here’s why Bill Watterson’s masterwork enchants us still”, Washington Post, 31st December 2020. 

Champ, Nicky (2018), “Dr. Jason Fox on the one word you need in 2019 – Forget making New Year’s resolutions you won’t keep…”, Business Chicks

Clear James, “5 Common Mistakes That Cause New Habits to Fail”,

Clear, James (2018), “Atomic habits : tiny changes, remarkable results : an easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones”, Avery, New York

Clear, James, “3-2-1 Newsletter”, To subscribe to his newsletter, here’s the link.

Eurich, Tasha (2017), “Insight : the power of self-awareness in a self-deluded world”, Crown Business, London

Eurich, Tasha (2018), “What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)”, Harvard Business Review, 4th January 2018.  

Fosslien, L & Duffy, MW (2019), “No hard feelings : the secret power of embracing emotions at work”, Portfolio, New York

Fox, Jason (2019), “Heralding your Word; An act of manifesting”, 31st Dec 2019.

Working from home and beyond; the critical pivot point for bosses

In our previous blog, we spoke about how the rabbit is out of the bag – everyone is working at home – and any attempt to put it back in the bag by removing much autonomy will be fought with great risk! 

When asked about the essential leadership qualities for COVID times, Katarina Berg, CHRO of Spotify shared the following at a recent People Matter’s TechHRSG conference (Sept ‘20)…

“To be honest, it’s the same things as per normal times, but all this was put under more pressure and we need to accentuate.”  

She went on to suggest the following – always be empathetic (if not more), acknowledge a few things like not knowing all the answers or never having been in this situation before, be very present but in a new format (i.e. over a screen), and do regular check ins in new and different ways.  

Her point around accentuating various aspects of one’s leadership is wisdom.  However, if one’s leadership practice has weaknesses in it, or one has practices which gloss over important aspects of leading, cracks will appear.  For example, if you have relied on sensing how your people are by looking around as you walk to your office in the mornings, you may struggle when in a remote situation.  Tendencies to check in more often may result in employees feeling micromanaged and watched.  Where, the intention to really care for and ensure your employees’ well-being may need new and refined leadership-related skills.  

At the centre of all of this is the tension that presents itself when faced with uncertainty and ambiguity (and change that is unpredictable) – and potentially pressure from above in the organisation – we move towards wanting to take more control in order to minimise risk.  We cannot help ourselves.  It pulls us in the opposite direction to where our leadership skills need to take us.  

Change has been happening in some organisations

Now, into the third webinar, “Rethinking Work”, in the “Reshaping Australia Dialogues” series hosted by the Australian Financial Review, Athalie Williams, the President Human Resources, BHP shared that they were starting to think about office space as a resource and as such would ask the question “how should we best use this resource?”. 

She also went on to say that they encourage their people to “work where you get great outcomes” and then give the team the choice to figure this out. 

The CEO of Telstra, Andrew Penn, shared that Telstra rolled out “All Roles Flex” in March 2014 and indicated “it’s the manager’s responsibility if an employee wanted to work flexibly”.

Of course, BHP and Telstra are fairly large companies and it has to be said that there would be a strong influence from the Australian workforce dynamics where, for example, there is one of the largest percentage of part-time workers in the world.  So flexibility had been considered for a long while, though not all companies get it right. 

This all said, these organisations would not be alone in their considerations and their expectations that their managers have more control than many feel they may have.  

A Possible Response for a Manager

If you are a manager who would like to stop and review how you might be going at this time, here is a process you can go through.  

1. What?

Take time to describe what is happening around you and within you.  Describe your behaviour and that of others (your team, your boss(es) and organisational stakeholders). 

• Describe interactions between you and others, and describe interactions between others. 
• Describe the style and language of emails, video calls and conference calls (e.g. videos on or not, etc.). 
• Describe the content – what’s in and what is not. 
• Describe how you feel and which emotions are present in which situations. 
• What are you enjoying and what are you missing? 
• What is getting done and what isn’t? 
• What takes most of your attention? 
• What stories run around in your head? 
• What are your hopes and fears?

Describe what is happening, what is not happening and describe, separately, what you would want it to be.  Look for patterns.  Think hypotheses.   Be curious and just describe while resisting the temptation to conclude, make assumptions or any analysis.  That will come later.  

2. So What?

What’s really important here, and how do the patterns you are seeing impact the importance?  Take time to consider this.  Don’t rush it.  

Remember, 

Leadership is not a rank, it is a responsibility. Leadership is not about being in charge, it is about taking care of those in your charge. And when we take care of our people, our people will take care of us.

~Simon Sinek

3. Now What?

So, after you have considered what is important as well as the emerging patterns from what you have observed around you and within, some questions worth considering would be:

• How might I move the dial on what’s important?
• How can I keep giving my people “choice” while also delivering results? 
• How can I identify the behaviours of mine that potentially give my people the sense of distrust and micromanagement?
• What aspects of my leadership have I relied on in the past and are now not helping me? 
• Which micro-skills could help me, as a manager, at this time of uncertainty?

Personal reflection is important and identifying something that you can tangibly work on would be helpful to you. In addition, shining the light of researched wisdom may help shape your thoughts further and this will be the subject of my next blog.   

If you’d like to discuss how we can embed this into your organsation, please contact me here.

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